this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Pants are for mortals
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
