i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
