I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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