She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
