i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize