Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
