I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
