you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize