Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
