it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I use my feet as sexual weapons
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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