Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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