It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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