so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
