My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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