Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Randomize
