i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Randomize
