I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
