Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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