her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
