so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
