There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
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