I am in a vortex of obligation.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
