youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
