I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
