If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
