i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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