I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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