why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
