at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I need water and some morals
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
