He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
