(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
