I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
