Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
