You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
