So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize