once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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