Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
You peed on a flamingo?!?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
