I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
