Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
