When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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