We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
