there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
