Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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