Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Randomize
