oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Randomize
