We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
