If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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