If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
