He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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