Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
smell my finger.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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