So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
