So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
