Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
