The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
