Heybabeimwearingurpanties
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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