I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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