Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
