i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
