how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize