found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
