ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
