So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
