I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
