At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
