The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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