soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
We had sex on a dog bed..
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
