I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
he shaved USA in his pubs
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Princesses don't give blow jobs
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
