ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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