He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
