I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize