i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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